Hey Ladies in Waiting

to recommend childcare services that we can fly to the UK for a few hours. Kate Middleton: Let me know if you have any qs about being the guestbook attendant! on May 18. Let me know! Can everyone make it by 1:45 a.m.? Haha! I fear 2:45 a.m. I just ordered 1/4-inch diamond studs for everyone so we have a more uniform bridesmaid look! I’ll follow up if I don’t hear back in ten minutes! FYI, they’ll be seated at Table 829, the fun table made up of Harry’s fourth cousin the Duke of Teavana and Princess Michael of Kent. Just sent a cal invite—can everyone respond to it now? Caroline Moss has written for New York Magazine, the New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Racked, The Hairpin, Business Insider, and more. So excited!!!! She lives in New York. You’ll note that I initialed most every paragraph except one. I will take that off my best friend Meghan’s plate. I believe the royal wedding planner has already reached out to all of you, but I thought it would be fun to go over some last-minute details here! PM me and I can direct you to some of my favorite recipes (you have to try the double celery mocktail with celery garnish—so fun!). I’m just in a lift right now at the Soho House and thought I’d take a moment to respond! Maybe it’s best we all start juicing now. I’m moving everyone to BCC now. I’ll be in three-inch shoes, but I am so envious you get to be in flats! As a PA once said on Suits, “that’s a wrap!” LOL. Thank you for your compliance! I am afraid there might be some feedback with the videographer’s sound and we also wouldn’t want that streaming on CNN for a “viral moment”! Hashtags: I’m leaning towards: #WindsorTiesTheKnot or #TheNewBarackandMichelle or #MeghanAndHarryForever. Kate, I know your children will be present, but could you make sure Pippy (or whomever) tell the youngest to try not to cry during the ceremony? You had a perfect wedding and Meggie shall have one, too. Chelsy Davy and Cressida Bonas: As you might have heard, two of Harry’s exes are attending the wedding which I am totally cool with! We’re so close to The Big Day, and at this point I need to make sure we are all in constant 24/7 communication for any last-minute issues that come up. So excited! xx,
Serena
 
From: Jessica Mulroney
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Meghan Markle
Hi ladies! As the “unofficial” wedding planner (but what the heck, let’s make it official if any of you get interviewed and asked about my role!) I wanted to remind everyone that there is a “no children” policy if your kids are under five. I’ve passed it onto my lawyer for review but he suggested I bring this up in a casual space as to not make any trouble. It’s clogging up my inbox. For me, I’d prefer a mid-pony, but not sure how the rest of the girls think or feel about their hair. So fun, right?! Or should I say “Imogene”? Kate, I know you have to be extra cautious with how you style your tresses, as any damp squib of a look will no doubt end up in the penny-dreadful. xoxo,
Meghan
 
From: Misha Nonoo
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Meghan Markle
Hi gals,
Could not be more excited for this event! Someone’s let the royal jewels on her head GO to her head, IF you know what I mean (hahahhahaha). If not, you’ll have to pay for rush shipping! Right M? Timing: I love Jessica’s new run of show! Let the countdown begin! I think I have to wear the crown jewels (so heavy! is simply going to cut it too close. To them I say, “what’s it to you?” Anyway, as a social media maven, I’d love to have free reign over my own iPhone during the event (sans the church, stuff, of course!). Love,
Meghan
 
From: HRH The Duchess of Cambridge
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Meghan Markle, Imogene Doolittle
Hey Ladies! We can sleep on May 20! Here if you need to talk,
Jessica
 
From: Meghan Markle
To: Jessica Mulroney
LOL, right???? Wanted to follow up on Meggie’s note with a quick run-of-show update. for hair and makeup. We will also have nanny cams available (using them requires you sign off on a few more forms, PM me and I can send you a Dropbox link). As you know, my wedding dress and overall look isn’t being revealed until day-of, but for all of you I’ve enlisted the Queen Mother’s royal hairdresser and the royal makeup artist to create uniform complementary looks for all my ‘Maids. xoxo,
Jessica
 
From: Jessica Mulroney
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Meghan Markle, Imogene Doolittle
Hi ladies! In homage to that, your bridesmaid dresses are actually modeled after Princess Diana’s bridesmaid dresses, and they are so cute! George’s Chapel no later than 2:45 a.m. They are from Botswana, since that’s where Meghan and Harry spent their early courtship. I know for many it can be a sensitive subject. ***
From: Meghan Markle
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids
Hey Ladies (in waiting, lol)! 1/4-inch diameter was not a suggestion 🙂 Haha! Just in general) may grumble about a high-waisted dress ensemble but I actually have the figure for it! On second thought, 1:45 a.m. #SweatingfortheWedding)
WhatsApp: Can everyone please download “whatsapp” (it’s a fun app!) and join the group “Megs ‘Maids”?? What do you think?? The Queen, or as I’ll soon be calling her, Her Royal Highness, has some great shoe options that are like Easy Spirit meets an orthopedic shoe—I can find out where she shops! PS—such a sweet name for your new bundle of royal joy! Gotta go, watching some Man United! All best,
Jessica
 

 
From: Serena Williams
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Meghan Markle
Hi ladies,
Are these earrings okay? Was the guestbook attendant move too Miranda at that wedding at the Plaza on Sex and the City? Boring legal talk: NDAs are attached, please sign ASAP! I promise all childcare providers will be strictly screened. Hope that is not a problem! In terms of hair, would it be easiest if we came up with personalized vision boards for ourselves? She lives in New York. &laquo Previous post like this

Hey Ladies in Waiting

By Michelle Markowitz and Caroline Moss
May 14th, 2018

 
Based on the column of the same name that appeared in the beloved online magazine The Toast, Hey Ladies: The Story of 8 Best Friends, 1 Year, and Way, Way Too Many Emails   is a laugh-out-loud read that follows a fictitious group of eight twenty-and-thirty-something female friends for one year of holidays, summer house rentals, dates, brunches, breakups, and, of course, the planning of a disastrous wedding. Feel free to resolve this off-thread, just cc my lawyer (currently bcc’d). She recently wrote and directed the pilot “Sidepiece” for Virgin Produced. Honestly, I’m jealous I can’t wear it myself! Misha, please forward me your social media concerns off-thread. Are you okay with Kate backing out of guestbook duty? might be cutting it too close—can everyone please arrive at my place/castle no later than 11 p.m. Was wondering about the part where it says
…absolutely no guest, wedding attendee, friend, foe, or second cousin shall post any Instagram photography, Snapchat storybooks, or Facebook status updates. We’re roasting a chicken!! Now that I’m reviewing it, the low updo that Meghan would like all of us to wear will probably take longer than we originally thought. We’ll have tea (British for coffee) and crumpets (British for… I’m not sure, I haven’t actually tried one yet! We’ll provide meals, sleeping quarters, and of course, childcare for those of you with little ones at home! for hair and make up! Just wanted to send a quick update to the run of show. Her work has been featured in the New York Times, The Hairpin, Fast Company, Jezebel, and New York, and on The Today Show, Good Morning America, MTV, and more. Dresses: I know people have thrown out a lot of “Let’s wear something in the key of Pippa’s dress from William and Kate’s wedding!” in our group texts, but I’ve selected a much more fun dress that I think you all will love! A high-waisted dress is unforgiving. Jessica Mulroney: My BFF, and MoH, has generously offered to style all of you girls for a more cohesive look! (FYI—for my North American ladies, lift = elevator!) I’m so glad everyone is excited about the high waisted dresses! xx
J

Michelle Markowitz is a writer and director. You can remove me from these emails. Many people wonder, was this innovative or just because no one would give me a runway? Hey Ladies! x,
Misha
 
From: Jessica Mulroney
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Meghan Markle
Hi all! You know how the 1980s are back and everyone is wearing high-waisted jeans now? This instantly relatable story is told entirely through emails, texts, DMs, and every other form of communication known to man. She regrets to inform you she won’t be able to fulfill the role of Guestbook Attendant, and sends her regrets. 😉
A couple more details:
Shoes: There will be grass at some point during the wedding festivities, so I suggest you all wear a sensible shoe, with a heel no higher than 1/8 of an inch. More from this author → xx
Jessica
 
From: Imogene Doolittle
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Meghan Markle
Hi Ladies,
Catherine is very much looking forward to the big day. Thanks ‘Maids!! Serena—these earrings are not okay, though I do appreciate a push present! (See attached photo.) I know you said 1/4-inch diameter and these are about 1/2-inch with a diamond chandelier drop and gold stud backings but I don’t think anyone will be able to tell the difference! Yay! ugh!), but it might be fun if you all wear simple jewelry, perhaps something in the key of small stud earrings, no larger than 1/4-inch in diameter? So I’m doubly excited, I suppose! I know some ladies (none of you, of course! Possible for everyone to try to lose a shoe size or two by the day of the wedding? I have asked Sophie (Trudeau! Cheerio! Me again! Priyanka Chopra/Serena Williams/Misha Nonoo: Can you all please confirm you’ve ordered the Princess Diana bridesmaid dresses by EOD?? on May 17. I had a feeling you’d love them! I promise I’m not one of those Bridezilla types!! The rest—still haven’t heard back on dresses and I’d like to start talking shoes. Please remove her from these threads going forward, beginning immediately. Let us know if there’s wiggle room on that, Meggies? We’ll have to put Misha on guestbook duty but I’m sure she won’t mind. x,
Jess
 
From: Meghan Markle
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Imogene Doolittle
Hey Ladies! Gotta go! M
 
From: Jessica Mulroney
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Meghan Markle, Imogene Doolittle
Hey ladies,
Not a problem, Kate. Oh, that’s right, I did have one more small note, so tiny, practically invisible, haha, with the attached NDA. Be there at 3 p.m. YAY!!!! There will be tea and crumpets upon arrival, but please don’t eat them! That’s all I can think of! is out now and available for purchase! DEAD. Love,
Kate
Mother of the third, fourth, and fifth in line to the throne
 
From: Jessica Mulroney
To: Meghan’s ‘Maids, Meghan Markle, Imogene Doolittle
Hey Ladies! Here are a few last minute details:
Time to be there: The wedding will start at NOON, so please be at St. Best,
Imogene
Social Secretary to Her Royal Highness, The Duchess of Cambridge
 
From: Jessica Mulroney
To: Meghan Markle
Meghan,
Taking this off-thread a sec. They were one of my push presents. As everyone here of course knows, I broke through the Instagram ceiling when I debuted my Spring/Summer 2016 collection on Instagram. Please be at the castle for hair and makeup no later than 5 p.m. So excited you all will be in my wedding! You never know what angles the royal photog will capture. I style her!) and her third assistant Olivia G. The piece below is original but offers a glimpse into the book’s hilarity and honesty. Just a fortnight and a week away! There will be thirteeen royal photographers present as well as dozens if not hundreds of local, national, and global media, therefore, we would really like you to kick back, relax, and enjoy this wedding like you would any wedding of any normal regular nobody! This will give us a forty-eight hour window for hair and makeup to ensure no snags. Well! Also, what, so busy you can’t write your own emails, Kate? Let me know if you have any questions!! Anything for you! I know lots of people/the international press is making a huge deal out of everything, but it’s still just me, your girl Meghan, and my fiancé, His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales. Can everyone please Venmo me $1699 by EOD. She is in her nineties, but she knows vintage! I am so incredibly chuffed you all will be in our little wedding on May 19!! Yay!